misunderstood

you ponder the abstraction to me to retrieve a job not deciphering the implications of how I have been wired how a normal everyday job isn’t suitable for my body’s chemicals , for 8035 days I have been surfing and battling , protecting my inner innocence beaten black and blue emotionally and physically I am sorry I did not get paid for that, so its not valid ? . you say push through but not pull back to safety. you play on the idea to me to make friends , but don’t know the story of oblivious times that lead to abuse and masking. fitting in taking the life out of me means less to you than the global scale of societal norms.

you don’t see the absolute bliss of comfort I have when im in my own world because you don’t enter my escapism because its you im constantly scrambling from. to you I look fine , I look well until you interfere but you don’t want to hear the taken truth you want to silence me until im no more, until my words are used for broken promises that lead up to every night in worry.

your the one who’s slowly made me believe I don’t deserve happiness that I don’t fit In that things about me have to change when im just a woman who’s typing away , finding joy in little things but to you that’s forbidden. for me to be a person you need me to be broken.